Inhale...Exhale...Inhale...Exhale...

As I came off my high of finishing the half marathon last week I had a death in the family. My first reaction was one of sadness at the loss of my uncle. Although we had never been very close he always attended family functions with a smile on his face and a hug for everyone. My aunt and uncle were extremely close as were their children and they are taking this loss very hard. My sadness and hurt was for them, I can barely imagine the pain they must feel. The lost a brother and uncle whose daily life was intricately interwoven with theirs in such a way that his death leaves a gapping hole. There is no way to measure the pain. My uncle leaves behind a 23 year old shadow. It is the only way to describe the relationship that this father and son shared. There was rarely one without the other. They lived and breathed each one another. When I think about the pain of losing a parent I almost want to cry. I once had a dream that my mother had left this earth and in my dream I couldn't stop screaming. The emptiness and lonliness felt heavy and dark on my chest, I could hardly take in a breathe. I woke up with tears in my eyes and immediately called my mom to make sure she was okay. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my mom. I wouldn't want to be on this earth anymore. I just don't see the point. Even thinking about the day, a day...I can't...I can't think about this.