About Me

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Franklin Park, New Jersey, United States

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Dear God, It's me - Maria

So many days I want to "write". I want to get it all out, put it all down in black and white but things get in the way and life keeps rolling on. Maybe I hesitate because I want to tell a story or something because that is kind of why I started but some days I just want to write what happened or how I feel. It's not always exciting sometimes is just a kept the baby alive today. This baby stuff is hard work. The mom support group helps reassure me that I'm not the only one that feels "this way" or "thinks that" good, bad or other. I think I'm starting to mourn my maternity leave but at the same time I'm trying to stay present because this is really a great time for us.

I AM mourning my old life. I'm trying to imagine this new life that I'll now have but its hard because my mind just can't imagine it. Even if I could come up with something that something would be wrong - just like it was wrong about how I'd be feeling and living now. It's so much better and worse then anything that I pieced together during the nine months of anticipation.

When I think about returning to work, I think about it in the context of the summer season. I see happy hours around the city that start at 5pm on Friday evening and end with me running to make the last bus back to the armpit of America. My mind doesn't stay here in the world of two-fers long though before I'm summoned by my new pint sized boss and brought back to my new reality. The phrase 'poppin bottles' takes on a whole new meaning in my new role. I'm having the sneaking suspicion that my new happy hour is going to be that hour I make it back home and get to spend time with my sweet girl.