"I'm in a good mood, you lucky, I got a good groove" (jay-z)

Nothing could be further from the truth actually. I'm in a ef-fed up mood, so really ya ain't so lucky and groove? What groove? I don't know what my deal is of late. I'm second guessing so many things and I don't like that. I don't do what if - I like to feel confident in my decisions. I'm not feeling confident at all.

I need a distraction.

Dear House gods,

Please stop letting things break in my house, I can't afford anymore. I can do light bulbs sir but not major appliances. I need my washing machine to work I really really do - please bring it back from the dead, it's NEW! I saw the receipt with my own eyes. I swear I did. Thank you for giving Jason the strength and wisdom to fix the toilet after his jackass friend flushed a piece of plastic down it. We are forever in your gratitude. But no more doors or windows or anything like that okay? We can't handle it...It makes me want to burn the house down - after all, that would be cheaper.



-Amen

Eyes wide shut

There has been nothing written because I'm afraid of what I have to say. In some way I feel like I should be talking about fields of daisies and baking cookies but, it's to cold for daisies and I need to Stop Eating! My belief in happily ever after...actually, I don't have a belief in happily ever after. I believe that life's tough and it gets harder for the most part. The past 4 months has been a roller coaster filled with highs and lows. In my mind I never imagined it would be this hard or this easy. Somehow, I knew it would be this worthwhile.

So much has happened. Contracts have been made and cancelled and then made again. Closing is scheduled for Monday at 1:30pm at this point. I will surrender my apartment on the 18th. It sounds so final, surrender. That apartment has been my home for the past almost eight years. I got it all by myself, no roommates, no parents nobody but me and God. I didn't even borrow a dime to get it - it was all my money.

After I got off of the phone with the management company yesterday my heart was beating a bit fast. I'm giving up a part of my independence, the single come and go as you please Maria will start to fade away. Don't get me wrong - I'm not exactly one to be put in a box but I'll have to do the courtesy "I'll be home late" call from now on. I'll also have to consider two if I stop for take out on the way home. What about my midnight refrigerator raids? Can I still do that? It's no secret this girl likes to indulge but there will be less secrets.

We're moving to Pear Tree Lane how surburan is that? It sounds like something from a 50's sitcom. I'm scared and nervous and happy all mixed up together. Monday I'm a home owner.