I spent all day yesterday at my friends house. Instead of fighting our way into Manhattan to our respective places of employment we set up shop in her livingroom. I manned the pc and she took over the laptop. With the local news channel as our backdrop we chatted and worked. We DID actually work. I even made my 12:30pm deadline. After putting in our unofficial hourage we devoured cheap chinese, homemade brownies and milk.
Today I'm back to the traditional grindstone. I got up early, showered quickly, dressed in clothes that appeared to be in the same color scheme and stumbled into the dark cold morning. This morning though I had no cramped train ride to dread, I didn't have to let a train or two pass because they were too full. Today there were no trains. The Transit Workers Union is on strike, they feel as if they are being short changed by the MTA. I stand behind them, I do, I support them. They deserve basic human kindness and consideration. Mayor Bloomberg is way off base in some of the things that he has said thus far, in my humble opinion. This is not however the time nor the place.
Today I tried to work really hard and stay focused all day but-not really happening. My To Do list keeps running around in my head and it's on repeat. I still need a "little something" for this one and a gift bag for "that one" and other random things. I'm not even really sure what day it is. Every day this week has seemed like a week in and of itself. I keep thinking that Friday is Christmas Eve and freaking out-but then I remember, it's Saturday and I take a breath. Friday my mom and brother will be up from VA. Saturday and Sunday my whole family will be together, there will be plenty of time to freak out.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Monday, December 19, 2005
Friday, December 16, 2005
Come back home wit' me for a little bit...
On Saturday I dropped off four rolls of seriously neglected film. They have been sitting in my apartment for a while. They chronical various time periods this summer. I've been dying to see how they turned out but laziness has kept me forgetting to develop them. Last night I picked them up along with about $200.00 worth of goods and merchandise for the various children in my life (stop having kids people...no seriously).
I thought I'd take you on a trip down memory lane today. Trips are always fun right? Tonight I leave for a trip to D.C. I'm going to reunite with the 6 young girls I mentored on a 8 day backpacking trip in West Virginia this summer. The experience is one that I will never forget. Myself and other mentor are driving down tonight and are scheduled to meet 3-4 of the girls and their youth leader tomorrow for an afternoon about town. I'm really excited to see the girls, we have been in touch since the trip in August and some of them are doing better than others.
They appear in the photos.
And so it begins...
This is Naliyah (Leah) my baby niece...isn't she the cutest!
I thought I'd take you on a trip down memory lane today. Trips are always fun right? Tonight I leave for a trip to D.C. I'm going to reunite with the 6 young girls I mentored on a 8 day backpacking trip in West Virginia this summer. The experience is one that I will never forget. Myself and other mentor are driving down tonight and are scheduled to meet 3-4 of the girls and their youth leader tomorrow for an afternoon about town. I'm really excited to see the girls, we have been in touch since the trip in August and some of them are doing better than others.
They appear in the photos.
And so it begins...
This is Naliyah (Leah) my baby niece...isn't she the cutest!
This is a picture of Hannah and Noelle, my other nieces. Hannah is the one leaning on her hands. Her sister is next to her.
My brother Matt...
Jason and I...he would probably stop talking to me if he knew I posted this. It's not a flattering picture of him...I look okay though...
Halloween this year...
This is the heavy hitter-My little cousin Jayson. He was born 11 lbs at birth and fit clothing for a 3 month old coming home from the hospital. He was delivered naturally (ouch?).
This is the group that I am going to see this weekend.
On this cold winter day I'm going to leave with the money shot. The BBQ, the epidemy of what summer is all about. These next few months are going to be hard and I need all the happy thoughts I can hold with both hands.
Here's to Summer! We love you, and miss you, come back soon now ya' hear!
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
This little piggy goes crack, crack, crack all the way to the Orthopedist
Once again, if it can happen it will happen to me. Three weeks into the training season for the race in April and I break a toe last night. Yes folks, didn't think you could break those little buggers did you? Well, Miss. Maria figured it out-yes, y'all she did.
How? you ask? Well I'll tell you. I was in the bathroom hanging christmas lights (yes-the bathroom). I thought the bathroom would be a nice place for white lights because it would be decoration and a night light all in one. So I pulled the step stool into the bathroom, climbed up and was on my way to creating my masterpiece. After I hung the lights on the top of the window, I heard my phone ringing to Jason's ringtone. I jumped down, answered the phone and headed back to the bathroom. I climbed back on the step stool holding my phone in place with my shoulder so my hands would be free to arrange the lights. I kind of remember thinking, I should stop this isn't going to work with me on the phone. I remember laughing at something Jason said and trying to step down off the step stool, but feeling off balance and then reaching out for the (plastic) towel rack. The next thing I felt was the scrap of the plastic dowel as it slid up my forearm and the fire in my toe. I dropped the phone and tried to stand upright but pain shot through my foot. At that point, I couldn't pinpoint the source of the pain. I could hear Jason yelling my name into the phone but I couldn't respond because I'd been knocked senseless in agony.
When I finally found my voice I searched for the phone under the random clothing pieces that had slid off the towel rack when it fell. I reassured Jason that I was indeed going to live but not without some pain. I held some frozen vegetables for lack of ice cubes on my foot for a little while then went to bed.
Even before I had my X-ray at work today I knew it was broken. I broke another toe when I was in college, same foot. You don't forget the pain-it's like a stubbed toe that won't quit.
I'm feeling really sad because I'm not sure what this means in terms of training. I don't belong to a gym and I can't really AFFORD to belong to one. All of our training is outdoors. I'm scheduled to see an orthopedist Friday so-I guess she'll let me know what will or will not be.
I refuse to give up...even if I have to walk I plan to be out there with the best of 'em.
How? you ask? Well I'll tell you. I was in the bathroom hanging christmas lights (yes-the bathroom). I thought the bathroom would be a nice place for white lights because it would be decoration and a night light all in one. So I pulled the step stool into the bathroom, climbed up and was on my way to creating my masterpiece. After I hung the lights on the top of the window, I heard my phone ringing to Jason's ringtone. I jumped down, answered the phone and headed back to the bathroom. I climbed back on the step stool holding my phone in place with my shoulder so my hands would be free to arrange the lights. I kind of remember thinking, I should stop this isn't going to work with me on the phone. I remember laughing at something Jason said and trying to step down off the step stool, but feeling off balance and then reaching out for the (plastic) towel rack. The next thing I felt was the scrap of the plastic dowel as it slid up my forearm and the fire in my toe. I dropped the phone and tried to stand upright but pain shot through my foot. At that point, I couldn't pinpoint the source of the pain. I could hear Jason yelling my name into the phone but I couldn't respond because I'd been knocked senseless in agony.
When I finally found my voice I searched for the phone under the random clothing pieces that had slid off the towel rack when it fell. I reassured Jason that I was indeed going to live but not without some pain. I held some frozen vegetables for lack of ice cubes on my foot for a little while then went to bed.
Even before I had my X-ray at work today I knew it was broken. I broke another toe when I was in college, same foot. You don't forget the pain-it's like a stubbed toe that won't quit.
I'm feeling really sad because I'm not sure what this means in terms of training. I don't belong to a gym and I can't really AFFORD to belong to one. All of our training is outdoors. I'm scheduled to see an orthopedist Friday so-I guess she'll let me know what will or will not be.
I refuse to give up...even if I have to walk I plan to be out there with the best of 'em.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Maybe it's all I need...
This weekend I spent a few hours with my nieces Noelle and Hannah. They are five and four respectively. As we waited for my brother in law and sister to finish checking out at Kohl's Hannah looked over at me and informed me that she was getting me something for Christmas. Hannah being the pip that she is had me hooked in anticipation.
"Really?" I asked. "Well, I'm getting you something too, what are you getting me?".
"A wedding dress" she replied without batting an eye. I tried to keep a straight face but the corners of my mouth were twitching. "Why are you getting me a wedding dress Hannah?" "Because I want you to wear one tomorrow". Then Noelle turns to me and asks me if I had a brush. I told her that I do but I didn't bring it with me, I only have a comb. Noelle pauses from playing with the doll in her hand and says, "I'm going to get you a brush...AND a comb".
Maybe THIS is what my life has been missing...
From the mouth of babes.
"Really?" I asked. "Well, I'm getting you something too, what are you getting me?".
"A wedding dress" she replied without batting an eye. I tried to keep a straight face but the corners of my mouth were twitching. "Why are you getting me a wedding dress Hannah?" "Because I want you to wear one tomorrow". Then Noelle turns to me and asks me if I had a brush. I told her that I do but I didn't bring it with me, I only have a comb. Noelle pauses from playing with the doll in her hand and says, "I'm going to get you a brush...AND a comb".
Maybe THIS is what my life has been missing...
From the mouth of babes.
Wednesday, December 7, 2005
Monday, December 5, 2005
It's the most wonderful time of the year
Sunday evening Jason suggested we "go see the tree". I've only actually "seen the tree" a handful of times and it seemed like a nice way to wrap up the weekend. We arrived around 9:00pm and Rockefeller Center was bustling with activity. Familes, lovers and other groups huddled together in the cold to snap shots with the famous tree as the backdrop. The plaza was set up with angel and heart figurines perfect for posing with. Even Sponge Bob and Santa were there willing to take a picture with you for $7.00. Even we got in on the action.
As we looked down on the ice skaters in the rink Jason had an "ah-ha" moment. He decided we needed to ice skate to complete the experience. I tried to explain to him that I can't even rollerskate and that me on ice with razor blades on my feet is just asking for trouble. I pointed to The Rock Center Cafe and suggested a drink, on ME even. I tried to convince him that HE should definetly do it-don't let me stop the fun. I'll take lots of pictures and smile and wave. He finally conceded but, I felt bad. He was like a little boy who wants to show you his latest trick and I was saying I didn't have time. So, I agreed.
$50.00 later we were strapped into your every own ice skates and headed out to the rink. The moment my foot touched the ice my life flashed before my eyes. Suddenly the rink that I had boldly proclaimed looked so small upstairs looked like acres of unchartered land. About an hour into the experience Jason was able to pry my cold, alive hands from the side of the rink and hand in hand we made the best of it. I wasn't the only one out there who looked like a fish out of water, and for that I was thankful. I didn't fall once, which is more than I could say for the woman who broke her ankle right in front of me.
When we wrapped up the night it was 12:00 am and we (okay, it was me) were hungry. After stopped off for a something to fill the void he dropped me home. As I snuggled into bed visions of sugar plums danced in my head.
As we looked down on the ice skaters in the rink Jason had an "ah-ha" moment. He decided we needed to ice skate to complete the experience. I tried to explain to him that I can't even rollerskate and that me on ice with razor blades on my feet is just asking for trouble. I pointed to The Rock Center Cafe and suggested a drink, on ME even. I tried to convince him that HE should definetly do it-don't let me stop the fun. I'll take lots of pictures and smile and wave. He finally conceded but, I felt bad. He was like a little boy who wants to show you his latest trick and I was saying I didn't have time. So, I agreed.
$50.00 later we were strapped into your every own ice skates and headed out to the rink. The moment my foot touched the ice my life flashed before my eyes. Suddenly the rink that I had boldly proclaimed looked so small upstairs looked like acres of unchartered land. About an hour into the experience Jason was able to pry my cold, alive hands from the side of the rink and hand in hand we made the best of it. I wasn't the only one out there who looked like a fish out of water, and for that I was thankful. I didn't fall once, which is more than I could say for the woman who broke her ankle right in front of me.
When we wrapped up the night it was 12:00 am and we (okay, it was me) were hungry. After stopped off for a something to fill the void he dropped me home. As I snuggled into bed visions of sugar plums danced in my head.
Thursday, December 1, 2005
Sometimes you don't know what you got-even when it's gone
"And every time I see him put the bottle to his mouth he doesn't suck out of it-it sucks outof him" -One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Rumor has it your up to your old tricks
Trying to fill your soul
with your liquid gold
So many years
So many tears
still hasn't lost it's hold
yet it's all you have left
Family gone
Home gone
Health gone
Nothing remains and you still refuse to change
Monday, November 28, 2005
Thanksgiving Update
The essay section (read previous post) went well. I passed and that is what really counts.
Before I go there though, I should start at the beginning. I guess I should start at the part where the un-insured rental car that we were driving got hit on the Verazzano Bridge. After that, I'll tell you about how we missed the turn onto Route 13 after the Delaware Memorial Bridge and wound up driving 3 hours out of our way.
So...yeah...we got hit. Jason was driving the way he usually does, like a bat outta hell and I was trying to find my happy place so I didn't say anything to agitate him. Okay, maybe he's not THAT bad but you don't really want to mess with him when he's driving...he's a man on a mission when he's behind the wheel. A James Bond mission that is.
What had happened was...I'm really not sure actually because I have this bad habit of not paying attention when I'm being chauffered. What I do remember is-us stopping short and feeling the car behind us hit us ever so gently from behind followed immediately with a gentle cracking sound. The next sound that I remember hearing is Jason's voice as his vocabulary exploded into four letter words and him jumping out of the car screaming at the top of his lungs, "But it's a rental, it's a RENTAL MAN". Highway patrol found us and did the necessary paper work and sent us on our way. The fate that would await us upon returning the car loomed in the back of our minds but we journeyed on.
Journey we did do...five hours later on I-95 my mom called to see how things were and how close we were. When we mentioned that we were still on I-95 she informed us that we were indeed headed in the right direction but that we had missed our turn for a more direct trip. Mom informed us that we could continue but that she would consult her map and give us a call back. She also informed us to never take a trip without a map again.
Once we arrived in Virginia things went smoothly. My mom's friend almost didn't come because he knew that my siblings and I would be there. I guess he was afraid we'd burn him at the stake or something. This didn't make me happy though because it made my mom sad so, I did the noble thing. I called him and asked politely (as politely as I could) if he could make sure to arrive in a timely fashion. He missed the day due to transportation gliches with Greyhound but he finally made it. That made my mom happy and so that made me happy.
My brother was really glad to see his friends from New York that came up with us. They were inseparable for the whole time that we were there. Jason never missed a beat, you would have thought that he'd been around for years. The food was delish and everyone was happy. It was a very nice holiday overall.
Epilogue
Jason gave a $200.00 deposit towards damages that are estimated to be between $500.00 and $1000.00. He will be billed for the balance.
Before I go there though, I should start at the beginning. I guess I should start at the part where the un-insured rental car that we were driving got hit on the Verazzano Bridge. After that, I'll tell you about how we missed the turn onto Route 13 after the Delaware Memorial Bridge and wound up driving 3 hours out of our way.
So...yeah...we got hit. Jason was driving the way he usually does, like a bat outta hell and I was trying to find my happy place so I didn't say anything to agitate him. Okay, maybe he's not THAT bad but you don't really want to mess with him when he's driving...he's a man on a mission when he's behind the wheel. A James Bond mission that is.
What had happened was...I'm really not sure actually because I have this bad habit of not paying attention when I'm being chauffered. What I do remember is-us stopping short and feeling the car behind us hit us ever so gently from behind followed immediately with a gentle cracking sound. The next sound that I remember hearing is Jason's voice as his vocabulary exploded into four letter words and him jumping out of the car screaming at the top of his lungs, "But it's a rental, it's a RENTAL MAN". Highway patrol found us and did the necessary paper work and sent us on our way. The fate that would await us upon returning the car loomed in the back of our minds but we journeyed on.
Journey we did do...five hours later on I-95 my mom called to see how things were and how close we were. When we mentioned that we were still on I-95 she informed us that we were indeed headed in the right direction but that we had missed our turn for a more direct trip. Mom informed us that we could continue but that she would consult her map and give us a call back. She also informed us to never take a trip without a map again.
Once we arrived in Virginia things went smoothly. My mom's friend almost didn't come because he knew that my siblings and I would be there. I guess he was afraid we'd burn him at the stake or something. This didn't make me happy though because it made my mom sad so, I did the noble thing. I called him and asked politely (as politely as I could) if he could make sure to arrive in a timely fashion. He missed the day due to transportation gliches with Greyhound but he finally made it. That made my mom happy and so that made me happy.
My brother was really glad to see his friends from New York that came up with us. They were inseparable for the whole time that we were there. Jason never missed a beat, you would have thought that he'd been around for years. The food was delish and everyone was happy. It was a very nice holiday overall.
Epilogue
Jason gave a $200.00 deposit towards damages that are estimated to be between $500.00 and $1000.00. He will be billed for the balance.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
My Thanksgiving Promise
I've been penning my thoughts the last few days...like in the old days. I sometimes transfer my thoughts from the notebook to the big screen but today I'm not in the mood for all the work.
Thanksgiving is moments away. The actual day that is, this past Saturday I celebrated thanksgiving with my dad and sisters and their children. It went well, uneventful. Family gatherings rarely go uneventfully but I'm thankful that it did. It almost didn't, it could have gotten ugly-I was a big girl though I didn't take the bait. When my sister's new guy friend got snotty I didn't rip him a new one-like I wanted to, no, I just smiled and pretended he didn't just use a "tone" with me. He truly had nerve but I'm not going to go there. The day overall was good. If this Thanksgiving Holiday is being divided like a Mid-term exam that was the multiple choice. Thursday with my Mom is going to be the essay section. The essay part is always the part of the exam that I paused and took a few minutes to ponder over. I wanted to make sure that every word counted. I wanted to make sure I could say it all in 250 words or more. That is what the next few days will be like. I'll be watching my words making sure I don't say anything to offend my mother and her "friend" who I can't stand. I love my mother and I'll do this for her. I'll pause before I speak, form the words in my head before I let them walk over the bridge of my tongue and through the gate of my teeth. I'll be the good daughter, just like I was the good sister Saturday. I won't be the bi-otch everyone expects me to be. I promise.
Thanksgiving is moments away. The actual day that is, this past Saturday I celebrated thanksgiving with my dad and sisters and their children. It went well, uneventful. Family gatherings rarely go uneventfully but I'm thankful that it did. It almost didn't, it could have gotten ugly-I was a big girl though I didn't take the bait. When my sister's new guy friend got snotty I didn't rip him a new one-like I wanted to, no, I just smiled and pretended he didn't just use a "tone" with me. He truly had nerve but I'm not going to go there. The day overall was good. If this Thanksgiving Holiday is being divided like a Mid-term exam that was the multiple choice. Thursday with my Mom is going to be the essay section. The essay part is always the part of the exam that I paused and took a few minutes to ponder over. I wanted to make sure that every word counted. I wanted to make sure I could say it all in 250 words or more. That is what the next few days will be like. I'll be watching my words making sure I don't say anything to offend my mother and her "friend" who I can't stand. I love my mother and I'll do this for her. I'll pause before I speak, form the words in my head before I let them walk over the bridge of my tongue and through the gate of my teeth. I'll be the good daughter, just like I was the good sister Saturday. I won't be the bi-otch everyone expects me to be. I promise.
music that makes me smile
Just when I thought I couldn't love Mariah's music anymore than I already do she comes out with this.
Friday, November 18, 2005
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
April 30, 2006
I am officially signed up for the New Jersey Half Marathon on April 30, 2006!
I can't believe that I'm doing this. I'm going to run 13.1 miles! I am registered as a member of Team in Training with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I am so excited about the shape I will be in come the spring. I am excited about the shape I will be in come May when I go to Cancun for my friends wedding. I am also excited to raise money for a great cause, cancer research.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Leave me alone...
Why does every NYC man (okay, not every but you get me) feel that it is their God given right to speak to me in the morning? They also feel that just because THEY speak I should RESPOND. I don't understand this. I just want to walk in peace.
I mean did you see your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife off with as much gusto as your using to get my attention this morning? I dare say you did not.
When I am walking down the sidewalk and I CLEARLY see you and do NOT make any attempt to acknowledge you, let me be. You invading my personal space to yell Good Morning over what you assume are working headphones does not make me want you. Ps-the headphones aren't even attached to a working device. They are just a deterant for the likes of men like you...obviously you didn't get the memo.
I'm flattered you find me so breathtaking that you must make you rpresence known to me. I would be more flattered if you would just smile and nod. It lets me know you saw me and it lets you know I saw you. Then we move on. You go home to your family or work or wherever you're going and have a nice life.
When you agitate me like this it takes me awhile to calm down and get my attitude back on track. That pisses Momma off.
I mean did you see your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife off with as much gusto as your using to get my attention this morning? I dare say you did not.
When I am walking down the sidewalk and I CLEARLY see you and do NOT make any attempt to acknowledge you, let me be. You invading my personal space to yell Good Morning over what you assume are working headphones does not make me want you. Ps-the headphones aren't even attached to a working device. They are just a deterant for the likes of men like you...obviously you didn't get the memo.
I'm flattered you find me so breathtaking that you must make you rpresence known to me. I would be more flattered if you would just smile and nod. It lets me know you saw me and it lets you know I saw you. Then we move on. You go home to your family or work or wherever you're going and have a nice life.
When you agitate me like this it takes me awhile to calm down and get my attitude back on track. That pisses Momma off.
Monday, November 14, 2005
Suburbia
Before everything happened on Saturday I was headed home to Long Gisland. I use the term home loosely. In this case, home only connotates place of birth and growing up years. I'm not really that fond of the place in all honesty.
So, I was headed to out to celebrate the first birthday of my best gal pal's son. I made the trek because your only one once. The next birthday I'll see him at is his sweet 16.
I tried to be conscience of what I wore to this suburban shin-dig. I didn't want anything to low or tight or high. Anything that might confirm there suspicions that I'm a fornicatin', drinkin', unmarried city girl. I know they don't ALL think like that but, some of 'em do. I was mostly nervous about seeing gal pal's mom. The last time she got me alone she took my hand and with all the love in the world asked me, "Don't you WANT to get married?". "Sure Mom I wanna get hitched some day but uhm, I'm not going to stand on the corner with a sign in my hand. When and if it is supposed to happen it will". She hurt my feelings with that. I mean it was a couple years ago and she's not the only one who's inquired so I should be over it I guess.
I know my family has wondered for years since I've been out of college. I never brought anyone home, I never talked about anyone. My mom asked me on more than one occasion if I was gay, always in a joke. She would always finish up the question with, "Because if you were, I don't have a problem with that. Your my daughter and I love you".It still hurt.
I dated off and on. No one really stuck. I didn't want to just bring ANYONE home to my family. If I'm bringing them to my family-I like them- a lot. I feel about my family the way single parents feel about introducing their child to someone they date. You only do it if it's going somewhere. That is my motto.
So this was my dilemna Saturday. Then I remembered, this is the children's party today. Last night, was the family get together...I wouldn't have to be roasted at the stake after all. Of course at the children's party would be all the late 20-somethings with their 2.5 children and 2 carat diamond engagement rings with matching eternity bands. They never ask me why I'm not married but I see the questions in their eyes. "How are things" they say. Things are always good. Even if things were bad, do they REALLY want to know about how bad they are? I don't think so. I'm not part of their club, this Suburban Wives Club. I'm a part of the NYC Women's Club. I don't want to give us a bad name so, things are always Fab-U-Lous!
Maybe it's not them. Maybe it's me. No, It's them, I have conferred with other NYC Women and married or unmarried (see in the NYC club the married women are a different breed) they know what I'm talking about. It's definetly a suburbia thing. You must be married or engaged by 25 or else. It's not just the Jewish girls either. It's everyone.
I used to feel a lot of pressure. I don't anymore. It's my life. Now that I'm seeing someone I'm sure by next year my mom will want to know when we're getting married. After all I'm pushing 30 and haven't had a kid yet, oh the horror!
So, I was headed to out to celebrate the first birthday of my best gal pal's son. I made the trek because your only one once. The next birthday I'll see him at is his sweet 16.
I tried to be conscience of what I wore to this suburban shin-dig. I didn't want anything to low or tight or high. Anything that might confirm there suspicions that I'm a fornicatin', drinkin', unmarried city girl. I know they don't ALL think like that but, some of 'em do. I was mostly nervous about seeing gal pal's mom. The last time she got me alone she took my hand and with all the love in the world asked me, "Don't you WANT to get married?". "Sure Mom I wanna get hitched some day but uhm, I'm not going to stand on the corner with a sign in my hand. When and if it is supposed to happen it will". She hurt my feelings with that. I mean it was a couple years ago and she's not the only one who's inquired so I should be over it I guess.
I know my family has wondered for years since I've been out of college. I never brought anyone home, I never talked about anyone. My mom asked me on more than one occasion if I was gay, always in a joke. She would always finish up the question with, "Because if you were, I don't have a problem with that. Your my daughter and I love you".It still hurt.
I dated off and on. No one really stuck. I didn't want to just bring ANYONE home to my family. If I'm bringing them to my family-I like them- a lot. I feel about my family the way single parents feel about introducing their child to someone they date. You only do it if it's going somewhere. That is my motto.
So this was my dilemna Saturday. Then I remembered, this is the children's party today. Last night, was the family get together...I wouldn't have to be roasted at the stake after all. Of course at the children's party would be all the late 20-somethings with their 2.5 children and 2 carat diamond engagement rings with matching eternity bands. They never ask me why I'm not married but I see the questions in their eyes. "How are things" they say. Things are always good. Even if things were bad, do they REALLY want to know about how bad they are? I don't think so. I'm not part of their club, this Suburban Wives Club. I'm a part of the NYC Women's Club. I don't want to give us a bad name so, things are always Fab-U-Lous!
Maybe it's not them. Maybe it's me. No, It's them, I have conferred with other NYC Women and married or unmarried (see in the NYC club the married women are a different breed) they know what I'm talking about. It's definetly a suburbia thing. You must be married or engaged by 25 or else. It's not just the Jewish girls either. It's everyone.
I used to feel a lot of pressure. I don't anymore. It's my life. Now that I'm seeing someone I'm sure by next year my mom will want to know when we're getting married. After all I'm pushing 30 and haven't had a kid yet, oh the horror!
Saturday, November 12, 2005
I can't make this stuff up...
I have no faith in the criminal justice system. None. I believe that all cops are corrupt and abusive of their power. I hate them all. I'm not looking to be reformed-I'm too far gone.
My 16 yo brother was arrested today. He allegedly robbed a woman at gun point. Anyone who knows my brother knows that this is not possible. I'm not being the naive big sister. I know my brother, he's not "that type". He plays video games and rides bikes, his favorite past time is annoying his sisters. He hasn't even make enough friends in Virginia to have access to a gun (well there is that one cousin...). My brother has be home from school for two days because of testing and holidays, home with my mom. That's why she made him go out this morning. He went to Wendy's to apply for a job.
He left at 10am and called my mom at 10:15am to inform my mom that the cops "had him". My mom ran to the Wendy's - Yes, ran. When she arrived she found five police cars and my 16 yo brother being read his Miranda Rights. He cried as he was handcuffed and placed against a wall. When he was put in the police car my mom asked to sit with him. Her request was denied.
An hour later after interviewing the woman accusing my brother, he was released. They took his picture though. I told my mom to refuse this but trying to be a law abiding citizen she let the pigs win.
He's home now, safe? (well that I don't know) but, he's home. He wants now more than ever to come back to New York and I can't blame him.
My 16 yo brother was arrested today. He allegedly robbed a woman at gun point. Anyone who knows my brother knows that this is not possible. I'm not being the naive big sister. I know my brother, he's not "that type". He plays video games and rides bikes, his favorite past time is annoying his sisters. He hasn't even make enough friends in Virginia to have access to a gun (well there is that one cousin...). My brother has be home from school for two days because of testing and holidays, home with my mom. That's why she made him go out this morning. He went to Wendy's to apply for a job.
He left at 10am and called my mom at 10:15am to inform my mom that the cops "had him". My mom ran to the Wendy's - Yes, ran. When she arrived she found five police cars and my 16 yo brother being read his Miranda Rights. He cried as he was handcuffed and placed against a wall. When he was put in the police car my mom asked to sit with him. Her request was denied.
An hour later after interviewing the woman accusing my brother, he was released. They took his picture though. I told my mom to refuse this but trying to be a law abiding citizen she let the pigs win.
He's home now, safe? (well that I don't know) but, he's home. He wants now more than ever to come back to New York and I can't blame him.
Friday, November 11, 2005
...
I remember being three years old and being at my mother's wedding. I had the chicken pox and my face was covered in calamine lotion. At the reception I wasn't feeling well and someone brought me home. My next memory is at five. It was a summer day and I was walking to the store with my mom. We were visiting Nana and Pop that day. My mom shared a story with me that changed my life. I remember feeling the shift, even at five years old. She told me about how the man she married wasn't the man who made me. She explained to me what that meant. I still remember how I felt hearing that in my little girl ears. I felt sad. I felt like I lost something.
I remember being seven. My mom told me that she needed to talk to me about something. She came into my room with a pencil and some sheets of paper. We sat on the bed and she explained what "getting your period" meant. She also explained to me what sex was. My mom drew diagrams of the male and female reproductive system complete with labels. I remember hoping I wouldn't get my period until I was sixteen. To me, sixteen seemed like the perfect age because I would be able to go to Genovese and buy sanitary napkins without feeling embarrassed. I "got my period" at age nine. My mother was working nights at the time and I didn't tell her for two months. I just used toilet paper.
I remember being eight and my father getting really drunk and breaking the glass cover that contained the record player. That was the first time I remember him getting violent.
I remember being nine turning ten. It was the morning of my tenth birthday party and I'd invited friends from school for a birthday party. It was a Saturday morning. We had to set up the screened-in porch for the party because the night before my father punched holes in the walls.
I remember my dad took us all to see the movie "Song of the South". That was a nice day. I remember leaving the movie theatre and the sun being out.
I remember my mom reading us "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" every night at bedtime. I remember her buying us chocolate for the part when they reach the factory.
I remember my grandfather having Thanksgiving dinner with us the year after my grandmother died. He said that he was thankful to be with us that day.
I remember that I never realized we didn't have much money until I was a teenager.
I remember when my parent's separated, I was in ninth grade. We moved into a house that was in really bad shape. I remember we didn't have food. I remember my mom applied for public assistance. I remember thinking I loved my mom so much. I wished there was something I could do. I remember my dad finished rehab and came home. I remember feeling sad.
I remember moving into a nice new house. I remember having the things that we needed. I remember my mom going back to college. I remember her finishing and going to graduate school. I remember feeling proud.
I remember moving away from home and missing my family.
I remember falling in love with "E". I remember being so happy. I remember growing up and knowing it wasn't right. I remember saying goodbye.
I remember when I stopped hating my father. I remember when I started understanding. I remember laying in my sister's room on the first day of school eve. We would peek out of the window and hope the sun would come up so we could wear our new clothes. I remember getting my sisters together upstairs in one of our rooms and praying daddy would stop yelling. Praying that mommy would be able to get some sleep tonight.
I remember my dad bringing home cupcakes for us on Valentines Day.
I remember how I felt last year when my parent's finally separated. I remember the day my nieces were born.I remember the day "E" died. I remember the day I graduated from high school and college. I remember the first time I went out with Jason. I remember how it feels to lie on the beach with no worries. I remember...I remember it all...
I remember being seven. My mom told me that she needed to talk to me about something. She came into my room with a pencil and some sheets of paper. We sat on the bed and she explained what "getting your period" meant. She also explained to me what sex was. My mom drew diagrams of the male and female reproductive system complete with labels. I remember hoping I wouldn't get my period until I was sixteen. To me, sixteen seemed like the perfect age because I would be able to go to Genovese and buy sanitary napkins without feeling embarrassed. I "got my period" at age nine. My mother was working nights at the time and I didn't tell her for two months. I just used toilet paper.
I remember being eight and my father getting really drunk and breaking the glass cover that contained the record player. That was the first time I remember him getting violent.
I remember being nine turning ten. It was the morning of my tenth birthday party and I'd invited friends from school for a birthday party. It was a Saturday morning. We had to set up the screened-in porch for the party because the night before my father punched holes in the walls.
I remember my dad took us all to see the movie "Song of the South". That was a nice day. I remember leaving the movie theatre and the sun being out.
I remember my mom reading us "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" every night at bedtime. I remember her buying us chocolate for the part when they reach the factory.
I remember my grandfather having Thanksgiving dinner with us the year after my grandmother died. He said that he was thankful to be with us that day.
I remember that I never realized we didn't have much money until I was a teenager.
I remember when my parent's separated, I was in ninth grade. We moved into a house that was in really bad shape. I remember we didn't have food. I remember my mom applied for public assistance. I remember thinking I loved my mom so much. I wished there was something I could do. I remember my dad finished rehab and came home. I remember feeling sad.
I remember moving into a nice new house. I remember having the things that we needed. I remember my mom going back to college. I remember her finishing and going to graduate school. I remember feeling proud.
I remember moving away from home and missing my family.
I remember falling in love with "E". I remember being so happy. I remember growing up and knowing it wasn't right. I remember saying goodbye.
I remember when I stopped hating my father. I remember when I started understanding. I remember laying in my sister's room on the first day of school eve. We would peek out of the window and hope the sun would come up so we could wear our new clothes. I remember getting my sisters together upstairs in one of our rooms and praying daddy would stop yelling. Praying that mommy would be able to get some sleep tonight.
I remember my dad bringing home cupcakes for us on Valentines Day.
I remember how I felt last year when my parent's finally separated. I remember the day my nieces were born.I remember the day "E" died. I remember the day I graduated from high school and college. I remember the first time I went out with Jason. I remember how it feels to lie on the beach with no worries. I remember...I remember it all...
The Difference
Alone feels like
Your favorite movie with no interruptions
Waking up without an agenda
Saturday afternoon to do as you please
Peace
Lonely feels like
Your the only one left on the planet
Darkness without light
No one to kiss goodnight
Empty
Your favorite movie with no interruptions
Waking up without an agenda
Saturday afternoon to do as you please
Peace
Lonely feels like
Your the only one left on the planet
Darkness without light
No one to kiss goodnight
Empty
Tuesday, November 8, 2005
Things are good
Lately I've been feeling restless. Maybe uneasy is a better word. My personal life is for once, calm. Is this normal? I don't know, I don't do normal so I wouldn't really know what to look for. I just got off the phone with an old friend she asked about the MIML. My only response was, "Things are good". No, "I have stories to tell" no, "Please, I don't even want to think about" no, "Who?". Things are actually undramatic and uncomplicated on the romantic front. This weekend marks 8 months since our first date. Time really flies.
I feel kind of guilty that my personal life is in the state that it's in and the rest of the world (family/friends) seem to be falling into pieces. I mean I've still got plenty of issues but who doesn't?
Last night I had tea and conversation with a couple of friends who allowed me to join their Knitting Circle for an evening. Tonight I'm meeting up with my book club to have dinner and we will update each other on the lastest in our lives. Tomorrow night I'm running, Friday I'll be out with the MIML. My life is really full right now, I'm so happy for that. I remember a time when it wasn't this way. For once I want to put my insecurities aside and just enjoy the moment.
I feel kind of guilty that my personal life is in the state that it's in and the rest of the world (family/friends) seem to be falling into pieces. I mean I've still got plenty of issues but who doesn't?
Last night I had tea and conversation with a couple of friends who allowed me to join their Knitting Circle for an evening. Tonight I'm meeting up with my book club to have dinner and we will update each other on the lastest in our lives. Tomorrow night I'm running, Friday I'll be out with the MIML. My life is really full right now, I'm so happy for that. I remember a time when it wasn't this way. For once I want to put my insecurities aside and just enjoy the moment.
from the mouths of babes
Yesterday after leaving work I walked to the subway station. I ended up walking behind a man with his son and beside a women with a young boy in a stroller. At East 67th and 2nd avenue the little boy holding his fathers hand recognized that he was standing next to his classmate. His eyes lit up when he saw his friend and he smiled and waved and tried to get his father to turn and look and see his friend. Father only turned to tell little boy to, "Come on", because the light had changed. Little boys smile faded as he was pulled across the street. Little boy turned around halfway across the street, his eyes trying to locate his friend. When he made eye contact he held out his one free arm to his friend and started singing what appeared to be a nursery school rhyme. I couldn't help but smile.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)