I'm feeling like a failure these days. The more it's pointed out to me, the more I fight back. Who wants to hear those words? "Your this, your that". All my life I've had to hear the words. Try to live up to someone elses expections. I live a life of biting my words back. When I lash out it's because I'm tired of holdin it in. It's poisoning me. I'm tired of wearing your labels and opinions, it's tearing me down. Create a place for me in your world as I do for you in mine. I've never asked you to be anything other than you. I play devils advocate because I'm a born debater. It comes out without me even thinking first. If I'm asking you to change, I'll think first. Speak second. It's hard.
I know I'm not perfect but, I want to be. I want to cry when my failures make it from the inside to the outside. Don't find joy in breaking me down. I'm sorry that you're so unhappy that you need to make me feel sad. I'm sorry I'm so unhappy that I need to make you mad.
Lately all I can think about is all the things that I never had.

Don't want none of your time...

4 yr old niece: "Hello?"

Me: "Uh, Hi (laughing) Who IS this??"

4 yr old niece: "It's Hannnnnnaaah"

Me: "Oh hi Hannah, does Mommy know that your answering the phone?"

4 yr old niece: "Yes"

Me: (still laughing) "Oh, uhm okay, it's uhm Mar.., it's Auntie Ria is Noelle there? I want to wish her Happy Birthday"

4 yr old niece: "Okay"

4 yr old niece: (yelling) "Noelle, it's Auntie Ria she wants to talk to you"

6 yr old niece: "Why does she want to talk to me? Tell her I'm busy"